Relationships are Everything…not Technology

When our buddy Alex experimented with sound waves, electrical currents and wires, I bet he never imagined his invention impacting relationships. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. Then, relationships ended. Actually that’s not true. But they have changed. The phone made calling your mother ideal instead of mailing a letter that took a week to arrive. Today, it is normative to contact your spouse if working late. But what did we do before the telephone, email and text? Come home late. Today, smartphones are so much a part of our lives. If we don’t hear from people we care about when they say they will contact us, we sometimes fear the worse.

Relationships drive EVERYTHING: religion, politics, business, marriage, etc.

But relationships don’t always come easy. Some are borne out of mutual benefit while others are born out of conflict. Don’t think that the U.S. doesn’t have a relationship with Iran. It’s just an acrimonious one. I won’t bother to define the word ‘relationship’ because we all have a basic definition. But once other words are attached to the front and back of it, the meaning changes. Here are a few examples:

Interpersonal Relationships, Spatial Relationships, Intergenerational Relationships, Romantic Relationships

Relationship Marketing, Relationship Problems, Relationship Management, Relationship Dissolution

Investing in someone’s development usually means putting time into a relationship (even if its one sided). Parents do this with their children but at some point, they reciprocate. At the heart of relationships is communication. In my years, I have never seen a successful relationship between two people connected to each other based on silence. Even though technology continues to change HOW we communicate, it doesn’t stop us from communicating…unless you live in a dystopian world with totalitarian rulers (like Hunger Games and Divergent). In the U.S., mail delivery was instituted in the 19th century. The 20th century belongs to the telephone. Email and texting are ruling the 21st century so far. If this weren’t true, email marketing, social media marketing and text-based marketing wouldn’t exist and telemarketing wouldn’t be declining.

But as communications tools continue to diversify, misunderstandings are bound to increase.

I teach college students in my Cross Cultural Studies class that the best communication is face to face IF you want to develop a healthy sustainable relationship. If 80-90% of our communication is nonverbal, seeing who we are communicating with is important. Its that much more when moving through other cultures. Managing Cultural Differences by Moran, Abramson and Moran emphasizes understanding the communications processes used when engaging people from other cultures. For example, high context cultures use vague forms of communication. It is assumed you already understand the context. Low context cultures are more direct and it is assumed the listener needs to know the context. Now imagine what happens when a person from a low context culture (Kenya) communicates with a person from a high context culture (United States)?

Even though technology changes things, some things don’t change. Good communication and patience is always necessary.

Here are two areas that are close to my heart where I invest my relationship time:

Business is about relationships.

In my field, access to an experienced creative professional should raise the stakes by increasing a business’/organiations’ level of design/marketing and user experience knowledge. Designers are paid to see what others don’t see and the result is an investment in making a product/service more effective. Iconic graphic designer Tom Geismar of Chermayeff, Geismar and Haviv said every design job they take on starts with interviewing the top people because they have the vision of where they’re going. Relationship investment starts with proper communication in the right context. This holds true in any and every industry.

Mentoring is about relationships.

I occasionally volunteer to speak in grade schools to students of color. I also try to spend time in the classroom listening to them. Over time, I have noticed a distinct difference between working class minority youth and young people from immigrant families. I ask, how will you get what you want out of life? Most minority youth always say ‘on my own.’ Most immigrant youth always say ‘working with my parents and asking them to help me get there.’ The contrast is striking. I also once believed that I could do things by myself. I grew up in a context where trusting people including family members could be dangerous. I overcame this through my mentors showing me good examples and communicating with me.

Religion is about relationships.

I give a significant portion of my time and resources to my local church. I tend not to serve in established roles electing to using my creative entrepreneurial spirit. I identify needs where I have a strong skill set and communicate with others to solve the problem. Much of this is unseen and it benefits the church and the surrounding community. My goal is to be like Jesus and value people over isms. He spent much of his time communicating with those who needed him most. What a sober thought in a world where we trip over ourselves to meet famous people! But make no mistake, I have also benefitted from my church relationships. Catherine Sanderson, a psychology professor at Amherst College, said that religious beliefs give people a sense of meaning, a social network and a sense of well being. Here, here!

But here is an area I have discovered that does not thrive on relationships: Crowdsourcing.

Crowdsourcing continues to be controversial among designers from western countries. Logo contests and other crowdsourcing websites have their fair share of American businesses looking to save money. Relationships aren’t encouraged because many of these sites don’t allow the designers to talk to the client. The only research available is what is posted. Many times, its not much.

If this is the case, how do you know if their description of the problem is accurate?

These sites attract hundreds and even thousands of designers from the developing world. (Remember, there are some countries where people are living on $5 a day.) I don’t blame them but the developed world is feeling the sting especially recent design graduates. Globalization is leveling the playing field. But the reality is more design choices does not necessarily equal quality design choices if the standards for entry are low. (To view a crowdscourcing infographic I developed, click here.) Because the client gave information and did not fully communicate, no one knows what the client is really thinking. The result has often been imitation, sameness and trendiness.

Technology should be about enhancing relationships, not replacing them. (Anyone involved in the development of Artificial Intelligence should remember this.) If technology rules you and relationship management is not a part of your life, your relationships won’t be very deep. Making an investment in others alerts people to your integrity and character. Technology is a great tool but there is the temptation to use it to create the illusion of active relationships. Purchasing purchasing fake Twitter followers to appear influential and important is a good example. Real relationships take time.

“The two words ‘information’ and ‘communication’ are often used interchangeable, but they signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through.”– Sydney J. Harris

Relationships can survive without technology because people can still communicate in meaningful ways without it. Verbal and nonverbal communication is still the preferred way to exchange ideas. But can the phone survive without some kind of understanding of what a relationship is?