The Teen Technology Trap

Let’s not forget this one fact: the first people ever on the internet were adults. That also means that the first internet addicts were adults. As much as we lament young people’s total dependence on technology, we introduced it to them. Now, young people are growing up to be full digital natives and setting technological trends that the rest of us adults follow. They are also discovering new ways to be in relationships. But not all of it is good.

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]I am very concerned about how young people’s obsession with technology is altering how they view and pursue each other and relationships. (platonic and romantic).[/tweetthis] 

But before I address that, let me mention the fact that today, technology is considered ‘smart.’ It no longer just reacts and responds to you like using a DVD player. It can record your patterns and anticipate your choices based on that data…like Netflix. (AI, here we come!)

Today, this smart revolution gives one the ability to take ‘all of yourself’ with you where ever you go: your contacts, calendar, conversations, tastes, preferences and interests. It is done through and on your smartphone. One upside to this is we dont have to remember anything anymore. Good thing, right? It depends. I came from the era where you needed to know at least 3 phone numbers by memory in case of an emergency. Today, you need to write it in your child’s underwear. They don’t have to remember it because the phone will do it for them. So, is a piece of info still important if we don’t have to remember it? You be the judge. 

So what does this have to do with relationships? Here are a few Desert News graphic stats to consider:

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]As young people spend more time with technology, they are also spending time away from people and experiences that affect human development.[/tweetthis]
Technology has always been around. But knowledge and interaction always came through observation, investigation and application…by humans. Superstition provided a certain amount of humility and fear about things we just did not know or knew fully. Today, smart technology is giving us more knowledge and doing the thinking for us. (Unfortunately, it cannot give wisdom.) 

Parents are worried that their children will fall behind so they introduce them to technology at a very young age (see graphic above). But psychologist and author Dr. Jim Taylor thinks that this is missing the point. “What made the Sean Parkers, the Marissa Mayers, the Mark Zuckerbergs so successful was not that they knew how to write code. They knew how to think expansively, creatively, innovatively.”

Believe it or not, being able to think expansively, creatively and innovatively is an important aspect of human development…and relationships. It is the reason why a young man might write and sing a song to a girl he likes. It is also the reason why a young girl might flirt with a boy. It helps us make sense of the world and our choices.

So, does technology help with human relations? When used as a tool, it can. Witness the proliferation of online dating sites. But when it becomes the only intermediary like a human or helps us deny real-life dilemmas, I am not so sure. (Ashley Madison, Im looking at you!) I believe our interactions are becoming more apathetic, truncated and superficial. One animated movie, in particular ,highlights what happens when smart technology rebels against humans. Pixar’s 2008 Wall-e is about a lovable sentient trash compactor that watches an old romantic movie repeatedly. The earth has been destroyed and all the humans live on the Axiom, a giant spaceship outfitted like a cruise ship zipping around space. The humans live in privileged comfort doing nothing but zipping around in chairs, eating and talking to each other using technology…but do not actually interact with each other. When the ship’s captain disagrees with Auto, the ship’s AI computer,  the computer attempts to lock him out of the system so that he cannot notify the other people onboard. Smart technology as an intermediary has created ease and convenience for American society but this can take us away from appreciating our humanness.

Here are four areas where I see this happening:

1. Using technology to ‘kick someone to the curb.’ (Over 50% of young adults ended a relationship via text, social media or email.)
2. The unhealthy competitive aspect of seeking likes and shares for ONLY emotional fulfillment and acceptance. (Youtube, instagram, etc)
3. The ease of altering our identities and assuming others in a bid to gain attention or seek pleasure. (Cheating websites, etc)
4. Blurring the lines between the virtual and real world. (social gaming, etc)

All of these have one thing in common: technology occupies the middle space between persons. But we forget that hackers, ‘Big Data’ companies and the National Security Agency (NSA) function as mediators collecting our data. But that is a different concern.

Instead, I am concerned that these areas are symptoms that encourage young people to view each other and relationships as a commodity. All human interactions cannot be transactional, i.e., I will give you this if you give me that.

We need relationships that are also sacrificial. I have seen plenty of young people on dates where the other person is on their phone and the other looks alone. There is a time to connect with technology but not at the expense of missing the present. In this surveillance age, some will pull out their phone to record an illegal act without reporting it. Concerts are full of participants concentrating on recording the performers rather than fully enjoying the actual show. This is one reason why I am using a go-cart building experience with my pre-teen son and his friends to talk about this issue. (Read the article here.)

As a former youthworker and sociologist, I still find myself observing young people and their habits. I have mentored teens and young adults for 20+ years. I can say that there are many things they do well in such a crazy competitive world. But I can say this: reflection does not seem to be one of them. All previous young generations struggled with this but none had such intelligent devices that function as personal distractions. The smartest technology in my day was an alarm clock. LOL

Since the teen brain’s frontal lobe (which controls decision-making) signals are slower, they are vulnerable to impulsive decisions. Add technology’s ability to feed their autonomy and this can be a recipe for addiction and poor choices. In the past, some religious and philosophical ideas were available that protected our hearts and minds from hubris and spectacle. (We can also agree that some religious ideas and ideologies have also been used to harm as well.) Wisdom literature provided a basis for reflection and passed on important common sense truths that was learned through perseverance and suffering. Wisdom is rooted in tradition but today, we exchange it for innovation. We tell young people, dont look back…look forward. In the process, we rob them of learning from the past.

I am continuing to develop a rich devotional life based on my Christian faith. Others are doing the same through other faith traditions. But smart technology attempts to circumvent this at every turn. Have you had this experience? How are you helping young people navind c